Master and Commander
Master and Commander
Each block represents a single tweet from the initial livetweet thread
“Idk why but referring to people aboard a ship as “souls” has always seemed weird to me, I’m sure there’s some historical tradition/reason for it but it just feels odd”
“Why is there a child on this warship, why is that allowed”
“My friend often jokes about a particular kind of very generic white man all being “the same man in different fonts”
This film appears to have cast it’s characters according to that principle 😂”
“”Hold your positions, courage now!”
Mate they’re getting shredded, pack it in”
“My entire understanding of Naval Warfare is from touring the HMS Victory once and that wasn’t launched for like 40 years before this film is set, if you’re expecting me to understand historical accuracy in this livetweet you’re in for an infuriating time”
“Crowes character is far too calm about this whole thing, your ships fucking dead in the water mate you’re allowed to be a little concerned”
“”We only slipped away because of the fog. Damned fortunate really”
Russell man, I beg of you, display a fucking emotion”
“I was about to make a joke about how the Doctor bloke sounds like Paul Bettany but that actually is him isn’t it”
“That is a different child, there are multiple children on this ship, why have they brought multiple children on this clearly very dangerous voyage”
“So, does the entire plot of this revolve around Russell Crowe nearly getting everyone killed because his ego won’t let him accept he’s clearly outmatched?”
“The day is saved lads, a fool of a took is on board”
“I’m glad this 2 and a half hour movie felt it had the time to take out from its cat and mouse ship hunting intrigue for “Russell Crowe and Paul Bettany dick around with string instruments””
“”Hull 2 feet thick, solid oak, no wonder we couldn’t dent her. Could probably make 12 to 14 knots”
And yet you will insist on continuing this fools crusade I’m sure”
“I’m fully convinced that weevil joke wasn’t even in the script, Russell Crowe is just like that”
“Okay this plan with the lights and the fake boat is very nice, I like that”
“”Now tell me that wasn’t fun”
This is a fucking war Aubrey why are you taking nothing seriously”
“”Don’t count your eggs before they’re in the pudding Mr Calamy”
…What?”
“”We’re gaining on her”
Yeah but… How? You’re going the same direction, you can’t have a wind advantage, and you said she’s far quicker than you”
“Yeah yeah very sad death etc, this is still entirely Aubrey’s fault for refusing to back down when he’s clearly outgunned”
“”That young man was a casualty of war. As you said yourself, you have to choose between the lesser if two evils”
The lesser of two evils would have been going home after the first encounter”
“”Now you’re speaking like an irishman”
“Well I am an irishman”
Bettany mate, no. You cannot pull that off. No.”
“”KILLI- ki- Killick”
“See I’m already here innit”
😂😂😂”
“The further into this I’m getting, the more I’m convinced Aubrey is actually a secret psychopath
Conversely, the doctor guy is definitely in some way LGBT+”
“This is absolutely just the story of a very queer doctor bloke trying to study animals whilst naval dickmeasuring happens in the background I refuse to accept otherwise”
“Oh good, an hour and 14 into this we’re now getting a “everyone starts mistrusting a crewmember for literally no fucking reason” sideplot, that’s what we need”
“No okay I’m calling it now, Aubrey and the Doctor are a gay couple, I refuse to hear otherwise”
“Oh good, they’ve driven the poor bloke to his death, well done chaps, solid work 🙄”
“Of course it starts raining straight after, only serving to entrench their convictions”
“AND NOW THEYVE BLOODY SHOT THE DOCTOR WHAT THE FUCK”
“”I do this with my own hand”
You are an idiot”
“”That is of course, if you have the constitution for this sort of thing”
“My dear doctor”
They are gay lovers, fight me”
“”She’ll be well away by now. Like looking for an honest man in parliament”
😂”
“”Name a shrub after me. Something prickly and hard to eradicate”
I’m sorry, all this is doing is further convincing me that these two men have fucked”
“I know for a while these 2 ships were intentionally seeking eachother out, but even still, what are the odds of them repeatedly running into eachother like this?”
“Hold on no, the resolution of this movie is not going to be “Aubrey learns a tactical lesson from a fucking stick insect”, fuck you”
“Yeah okay fine, that is a very fun resolution I can’t deny, very satisfying seeing them all drop the act and go guns blazing”
“”Looks like the job is done sir”
That’s some embarrassing last words mate”
“I’ve never cared for this kinda smokefilled, difficult to follow action scene ngl, doesn’t do it for me”
“The French captain just being dead in the infirmary feels a bit lacklustre ngl”
“Oh shit, Calamy’s dead, poor kid”
“Oh fuck wait was the captain not really dead, was the doctor bloke actually the captain?”
“”The birds flightless?”
“Yes”
“Well it’s not going anywhere”
Fuck you Jack 😂”
“Does this film actually end? It’s felt like it was about to end like 5 times now”
“Okay no it’s done 😂
Well that was Master and Commander! I see why it gets compared to Trek so much, and it was an enjoyable time, but it feels like it might have been better suited to 2 shorter films rather than 1 long one, it did begin to drag a bit in the middle”